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Building a Caring Relationship with Your Child

Building a Caring Relationship with Your Child

Simple actions for early relational health

Early relational health is the emotional well-being that grows from a loving relationship between you and your child. Early relational health gives your child the strong start they need for healthy brain development and helps them build the skills they need for a healthy life. It also supports your own well-being as a parent/caregiver.

Spending a few moments each day connecting with your child can have a big impact on their emotional well-being and development. It doesn’t have to be complicated, small things matter!

Everyday moments help your child grow

A powerful way to build Early Relational Health is through everyday back-and-forth moments between you and your child, like cuddling, playing, talking and responding to your child’s needs. This is called "serve and return (external link)," like a game of tennis: your baby makes a sound, and you respond with a smile or words. These small, caring, back-and-forth responses build trust, support healthy brain development, and help your child feel safe and connected.

Follow 5 simple steps to practice "serve and return" with your child (external link)

Simple ways to connect

  • Pay attention to your child’s feelings and respond with care (such as comforting your child when they cry and trying to understand what they need).
  • Read aloud with your child.
  • Play and laugh together.
  • Create regular routines, like bedtime and mealtimes, where you can share eye contact, talk, laugh, and enjoy time together.

These everyday moments help your child feel loved, safe, and connected.

How screen time affects early relational health

Too much screen time (like watching TV or using phones and tablets) can reduce the special back-and-forth moments that help build strong relationships and healthy brain development.

  • Your child learns best by spending time with you and other caring adults, playing, reading, and talking face-to-face.
  • Positive, caring time with you every day helps your child feel secure, grow up healthy and builds their resilience.
  • Your screen habits matter, too! Children learn by watching what you do. When you take breaks from screens, you’re showing them how to do the same. Too much screen time, for you or your child, takes away important face-to-face time. 

Show your child how to use screens in a healthy way by doing fun, screen-free activities together like reading books, playing outside, doing crafts, or playing simple board games.

Early relationships matter

When you have a caring, responsive and loving relationship with your child, it helps them grow up healthy and strong. These early connections are also good for you! They can help you feel more confident and emotionally and physically healthy as a parent/caregiver.

Why strong relationships are so important

  • Building core life skills: Positive relationships help your child learn important core life skills like making good choices, solving problems, getting along with others, and staying focused. When you help your child manage their feelings and show them how you handle challenges, you’re teaching them how to do it too.
  • Fewer behaviour challenges: Children who feel safe and supported are better able to handle big emotions, show more positive emotions and decreased anxiety, and get along with others.
  • Stronger relationships in the future: Early healthy relationships teach your child how to build other positive relationships with friends, teachers, and others as they grow.
  • Greater resilience: When your child feels loved, valued, and like they belong, they’re more likely to be resilient. This helps protect them from the harmful effects of toxic stress and adverse childhood experiences and supports lifelong mental health and well-being.
  • Physical health benefits: When children have strong, loving relationships early in life, it can help their bodies stay healthier. They may have stronger immune systems and are less likely to get sick with things like asthma, lung infections, or heart problems later in life.

Benefits for parents and caregivers

Early relational health isn’t just good for children—it’s also great for you as a parent/caregiver. Here’s how it helps:

  • It supports your mental health and well-being, now and in the future. When you feel close and connected to your child, it can be easier to manage your emotions, feel more joy and purpose in your life, and improve your mental health.
  • It gives everyday moments more meaning, like reading together, playing, talking, laughing and singing. These simple interactions can bring comfort and build stronger bonds.
  • It helps you grow as a parent/caregiver. Positive back-and-forth (serve and return) interactions with your child help build your confidence and strengthen your parenting/caregiving skills.
  • It helps lower parenting stress and protects both you and your child from the effects of toxic stress and overwhelming challenges.
  • It is good for your body and mind. They can help your heart stay healthy, make it easier to handle stress, and help you respond more quickly to your child’s needs. These strong connections also boost your “feel-good” hormones- like oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine. These hormones help you feel happier and more connected.

Secure attachment helps build resilience

Every caring adult in a child’s life can make a big difference in their healthy growth and development. Even small, kind actions matter! That’s why it’s important for parents/caregivers, and other adults to work together to build strong, loving relationships with children.

One of the most important bonds that a child can have is a secure attachment. This is a strong emotional bond with at least one caring adult who helps the child feel safe, supported, and loved.

About secure attachment 

Secure attachment means a close, trusting connection between a child and a parent/caregiver, or other caring adult.

It grows when the adult responds warmly, quickly and consistently to the child’s needs, especially when the child is upset, hurt, or not feeling well (for example, if they're feeling sick).

When children have this kind of strong connection, they’re more likely to handle stress, solve problems, and bounce back from tough situations. This is called resilience, and it helps children grow into healthy, confident adults.

Crying

Crying is your baby and young child’s way of trying to tell you something. It’s their way of saying, “I need help!”

Crying is normal

It’s how your child lets you know they need something, like food, a clean diaper, or a cuddle. Every child is different and some cry more than others. How much they cry can depend on their age, temperament, and what’s going on around them. Some kids need more time and comfort than others, and that’s okay.

Why your child cries

Your child might:

  • be hungry
  • feel tired or overstimulated
  • need a diaper change
  • feel sick or uncomfortable
  • want to be close to you

Or sometimes, they may cry for no clear reason at all.

Crying tips for parents and caregivers

Being a parent/caregiver isn’t always easy, especially when your child cries and you’re not sure why. But you’re not alone. Here are some important tips to remember to help you comfort your child, build a strong bond, and take care of your own well-being too:

  • If you’re ever worried, trust your instincts. Check with your child’s health care provider to make sure everything is okay.
  • It’s normal for babies to cry more at certain ages. This is part of normal development, but every baby is different. Many babies cry more between 2 to 12 weeks old, it can often peak around 6-8 weeks, and then it usually gets better by the time they are 3 to 4 months old.
  • Children need your help to calm down. They aren’t born knowing how to soothe themselves. They need your help to feel safe and manage big emotions. When you stay calm and comfort your child, you’re teaching them how to handle their feelings using co-regulation. Some kids need more time and support than others, and that’s okay. Over time, with your help, your child will learn how to calm down on their own. They’ll also learn that it’s safe to come to you when they need your support.
  • You can’t spoil your child by comforting them when they are upset. When you respond to your child with love and care when they are hurt, upset or sick, they learn to feel safe and trust you. This builds a strong and secure relationship.
  • Caring for a crying child can be hard. It’s okay if you don’t always know what’s wrong. Even if your child doesn’t stop crying right away when you try to comfort them, they will still get the message that you love and care for them when you respond to them consistently, quickly, and lovingly. What matters most is that you’re there and showing your child they’re not alone.
  • Take care of yourself, too. If you feel overwhelmed, ask someone you trust to take over for a while. If you’re alone, it’s okay to place your child in a safe place like their crib and step away for a few minutes to breathe and calm down.
  • If you’re feeling sad, stressed, anxious or angry, talk to someone. Reach out to a trusted friend, your health care provider, or call 311to speak with a public health nurse (M ) or email haltonparents@halton.ca.

How to comfort your baby when they cry

It is important to respond to your baby’s needs and comfort them when they cry.You may need to try a few things to see what will work. Here are a few ways to comfort your baby when they cry:

  • feed your baby
  • hold your baby - try skin-to-skin against your chest
  • gently rock or walk your baby
  • sing to your baby

Learn other ways to comfort your baby and tips to help take care of you too (external link).

Responding to your child

When you learn your child’s cues like their sounds, actions, or facial expressions and respond to their emotional and physical needs, you’re helping to build a secure attachment: a strong, trusting bond between you and your child.

Children who are securely attached to their parents/caregivers:

  • feel safe, loved, and confident
  • have a strong, secure base to explore and learn about the world
  • are more likely to try new things and take on challenges, which supports healthy development
  • are more resilient, meaning they can bounce back from tough times more easily

How to keep a strong connection with your child

Being a parent/caregiver is a big job, and it’s normal to have tough moments. You won’t always feel perfectly connected with your child, and that’s okay. What matters most is how you respond over time.

Helpful reminders

  • What you do most of the time matters most. There’s no such thing as a “perfect” parent/caregiver. Kids don’t need perfection, they need love, support, and consistency.
  • Repair and reconnect. When there’s a hard moment between you and your child, it’s important to take steps to rebuild that connection. For example, if your child gets upset when washing their hair during bath time and you feel frustrated and raise your voice, you can repair the moment by saying, “I’m sorry I yelled. I can see you’re upset. Let’s take a break”. Once you have taken a few moments to pause and calm down, you can let your child choose to skip the hair wash or offer extra cuddles afterward. These small steps help your child feel safe and loved again.
  • Take care of yourself too. When you look after your own physical and emotional well-being, you’re better able to care for your child. This shows them how important it is to take care of themselves, too.

Staying healthy as a parent or caregiver

Raising a child is a big job, and you shouldn’t have to do it alone. When parents/caregivers get the support they need, it’s easier to create a safe, loving, and stable environment where children can grow and thrive.

  • Every family needs a support system. Having trusted people to turn to (like family, friends, or community programs) can help make daily parenting/caregiving challenges feel more manageable.
  • Stress can make parenting harder. Without support, toxic stress can build up and make it tough to respond to your child’s needs in a calm, caring way. You can talk with a public health nurse by calling 311or emailing HaltonParents@halton.ca.
  • Community connections matter. Spending time with other supportive adults helps you feel more confident and connected. Try visiting your local EarlyON centre, library, or recreation centre to meet other parents/caregivers in your area. You can also learn about other free parenting programs and supports from Halton Region Public Health.
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