Parenting in the Early Years

Your relationship

Prepare for change. Having a baby is one of the most significant life events. You and your partner need time to physically and emotionally adjust to your new roles.

• Keep the lines of communication flowing – acknowledge feelings, make time for each other, back each other up.
• Have realistic expectations about yourself, your partner and your baby
• Recognize and appreciate each other’s strengths and abilities. Celebrate your success as parents.
• Take time for yourself.
• Connect with family and friends. Ask for help. Be specific about what you need.
• Learn about your community and how it can support you and your family.

Exhaustion after the birth of a baby

It is normal for newborn babies to wake to feed every 1 to 3 hours. Keep perspective – this won’t last forever. In the meantime:

• Learn to sleep when the baby sleeps
• Take turns caring for the baby in-between feeds
• Divide the chores – Set priorities. In the beginning do only what is necessary

Sex after childbirth

Fatigue, leaky breasts, episiotomies, not to mention changing roles; ‘lover’ to ‘mother’ or ‘father’ can all have an impact on a couple’s sexual relationship. Body image and need for intimacy can change for either partner. What couples can do:

• Learn about the physical, emotional and social changes that can occur during pregnancy and after childbirth.
• Talk about the changes with your partner.
• Provide reassurance and support for each other.
• Be patient. As hormone levels shift, sleep improves and everyone becomes more familiar and confident in their new role, you and your partner may be more open to having sex.
• Intimacy might look different. It could involve cuddling or perhaps preparing a meal or cleaning up the kitchen.
• Make time for activities you used to enjoy as a couple when possible.
• Speak with your healthcare provider if you are worried or concerned about your partner’s adjustment following childbirth.
• When you are both ready to have sex don’t forget to consider your birth control options.

Strategies can include:

• Redirecting or distracting very young children.
• Natural consequences can be used when it is safe and appropriate (e.g., if your child breaks a toy, they cannot play with it or get a new one).
• Logical consequences (e.g., if your child refuses to share toys with a friend, the toy goes away for 1 – 30 min depending on the age of your child).
• Time in. This involves staying with your child until they are calm then choosing an age appropriate strategy to respond to their earlier behaviour.
• Quiet time (external link). Your child sits quietly on the edge of the activity for a short period of time, 1 – 5 min depending on the age of your child. The caregiver is present but gives their child no attention while in quiet time.
• Time out (external link). Involves removing your child from the activity and your attention (1 – 5 min depending on the child’s age) and putting them in an uninteresting but safe and well lit space. Time out creates a short break which can help everyone calm down.

When challenging behaviour happens:

• Remain calm. Stay close. Get down to your child’s eye level. Use their name.
• Acknowledge their feelings: “I can see you are angry because your brother took your truck”
• Remind them of the rules such as, “Keep your hands and feet to yourself. Use your words.”
• If your child doesn’t correct their behaviour and do as you ask, then choose a strategy from above that best fits the situation and is age appropriate.

Promoting healthy sleep habits

• Create a healthy sleep routine that is simple (e.g., bath, book, breastfeed, bed).
• Put your child to bed in a wakeful state.
• Provide your child with a ‘comfort object’ such as a thin, small blanket or teddy bear.
• Let your child know what to expect. Talk about the rules ahead of time (e.g., “Mommy will kiss you goodnight. You stay in your bed, close your eyes and go to sleep. If you wake up cuddle your teddy and go back to sleep. Mommy will see you in the morning.”).

Preventing sleep challenges

• Limit screen time (external link) before bed.
• Wind down your child’s activities an hour before the time you would like them to be asleep. This let’s their brain ‘settle’ and relax.
• Avoid letting your child get overtired. This can make it harder for them to fall asleep.
• Remind your child about the rules, “After we read the book together you stay in bed, close your eyes, cuddle your teddy and go to sleep. Mommy will see you in the morning.”
• Be consistent with your child’s sleep routine. It will help your child to feel safe and know what to expect.

Dealing with sleep challenges

• If your child is used to being fed, rocked or held until they fall asleep, they may depend on that same routine to help them to fall back to sleep when they wake in the night. Getting your child to lie down and fall asleep from a wakeful state will help them fall asleep on their own throughout the night. However, changing a child’s bedtime routine can be difficult and it will take some time for them to adjust.
• If your child wakes and calls out, keep your interaction with your child brief and positive e.g. “You are okay. Mommy is down the hall. Now close your eyes and go back to sleep.”
• If your child gets out of bed take them by the hand and walk them back to their bed. Tuck them in, reassure them and remind them of your rule. “You are okay. Daddy is down the hall. Now close your eyes and go back to sleep.”
• Praise them the next day for their successes.
• Be prepared. You may have to repeat these steps a number of times, over several days, before you see a positive change in your child’s behaviour.
• Always respond to your child if they are waking because they are scared, ill, have a wet or dirty diaper or are too cold or too hot.

Being able to problem solve helps children:

• Be more independent
• Get along with others
• Develop empathy (care for others)
• Manage emotions
• Stay on task and learn!
• Be resilient! (external link)

Here are some tips to help your child become a good problem solver:

• Use everyday moments to teach problem solving skills.
• Let your child choose a solution to a problem where it is safe and reasonable.
• Play thinking games such as, “What would happen if?” This helps children to think of positive strategies for handling difficult situations before they arise.
• Family friendly board games like Snakes and Ladders are another way to teach social skills (e.g., taking turns) reading and math skills as well as problem solving skills… all while having fun together.
• Read stories that promote problem solving, overcoming difficulties and dealing with disappointment.